Dog is my guru and his name is Zeus

I walked for an hour today with my sweet companion Zeus, he is my true companion and yes, my only guru.
About 12 years ago I decided I wanted to have a child but my husband at the time was unwilling. He allowed me to get a dog instead, hoping this would placate my need to reproduce for a while. The day before "our" dog was to be delivered to us on the East Coast, my husband came into the bedroom and announced that he would be leaving. No, it wasn't a business trip or a jaunt to the market, he was packing his things and leaving for good, leaving our marriage, leaving our plans...leaving me. I was still in our bed and stared at him, "okay, bye". I mean really, what else was I going to say?! "Good morning, wanna' talk about this over a cup of joe?" Not me, not my way. Instead, I picked up a pack of cigarettes that I'd had for over a year, got back into bed and smoked them all while I stared at the ceiling until the sun had set and I could see only blackness. Out of my mental haze, I remembered that my sister would be arriving the next morning with "our" dog and wondered how I would explain Seth's absence ( yes, his name is Seth, and this is not a pseudonym to protect his identity). I quickly called my mom and told her Seth had left and then as planned, my sister arrived with a bundle of dog the next morning, no questions asked.
I named him Zeus, the god of all gods, I felt like I needed something that would protect me. He looked like a baby polar bear, a white Golden Retriever, and although he was adorable, I felt nothing. I suppose I was still in a state of shock that the life I had planned had just crumbled in a matter of minutes and here was this little 8 week old puppy that needed to be taken care of. For the next several weeks, I spent my days working, smoking, and getting out of bed solely to let Zeus out and feed him. When he was about 4 months old, I came home from work to the smell of something awful. Walking into the kitchen, I discovered a crate full of diarrhea and this once white puppy now barely recognizable, as he was covered in his own mess. I opened the crate to begin the cleaning process and he rubbed up against me, excited to have company, oblivious to the fact that I was in no mood. Great! I too was covered in diarrhea and as I scrubbed and washed and rubbed, tears started streaming down my face. I collapsed onto the floor, weeping in sorrow, covered from head to toe in poop. I couldn't do this!!! We had picked out this "baby" together and now there was no "we", just a me and I couldn't do it.  Crumpled up on the linoleum, disgusting and hopeless, I decided I didn't have the capacity to give this little guy the love or attention he needed. I cried even harder when I realized I wasn't gonna' keep him. I became hysterical, I'd failed as a wife and now I was so damaged that I couldn't even love this innocent, beautiful animal. As I lay there, I told him I was sorry, I told him he'd have to go back and find a different home with a family that could take better care of him and he stared at me; his head cocked to the side and his ears perked. I kept saying I was sorry and then with his tail wagging, he came over and began to lick my tears. I only cried harder but instead of walking away, he nuzzled closer in and put his head on my lap. "No, baby, I can't do this, I'm not a good mommy, please just go away". He wouldn't budge! I kept waiting for him to leave, to walk away disappointed, to give up on me...but he stayed right there, all night, never once leaving my side. In the morning, I called into work and took the day off to spend time with Zeus; my baby, my loyal companion, my new found love.
Its strange how life works. In a moment, our entire sense of reality can come crashing down and when we are laying there broken and hopeless, the universe provides us with exactly what we need. When Zeus arrived, I thought taking care of him was a burden but in fact, it was opposite. He gave me a reason to get out of bed every single day, to go on living and functioning and I know in my heart that his presence in my life precipitated my capacity to heal from my devastating loss. He offered me unconditional love, belly-aching laughter, and such sweet comfort when I needed it most.
As the years have passed I have tried to be as good as he is, to take the lessons he offered and not only give back to my darling companion but to share those gifts with all beings that I come upon. Indeed, I have a special love for animals, a trust and adoration that words alone cannot fully explain but I have have cultivated a sense of love and compassion for people as well that I never had before my life with Zeus. He taught me that we are all lovable even when we are at our worst; when we are immersed in our loneliest moments,we are never really alone; when we lose all hope, there is someone willing to hold it for us. But in those moments when we've fallen so far, when we are broken, unable to get up and all is lost, sometimes it is best to just surrender, stay where you are and know that what you need will somehow come to find you...and maybe lick your tears away, laying on your lap all night long.

~namaste

*** the thoughts and opinions expressed above are solely mine and are in no way a reflection of those who are more highly evolved