Yoga teachers are so self-confident and more bullshit

I walk around a room guiding some of the most beautiful people through a yoga class. At times there are more than seventy people at once waiting for me to call out the next pose, to play the next song, and to give them the loving touch that they need.  I forget about myself for that hour.  I am with them, each of them and all of them. Listening for breath, I am hyper-aware of my surroundings and yet in a sense out of my own body.  Its all about them and for this time, I have no insecurities as I attempt to give the students an opportunity to get into their bodies and be free in the present moment. I forget that I have dimples on my legs that led me to start weekly appointments to have my thighs massaged by some stranger in an office to try and get the ripples out.  I forget that when I wave my arm to say hello to others, I now need to keep it close to my body so the grandma flab on my arms doesn't get caught up in a gust of wind and start flapping uncontrollably.  I forget about the scar that mars my face and my boobs, oh my boobs, poor deflated boobies. I even forget I have social anxiety. For 1 hour, I am unafraid to be close to others, to use my voice, to open my heart, and to be seen just as I am...because I forget about me.
I suppose it would appear that I am confident, that most yoga teachers would have to be.  We are in front of lots people every day.  Not just in front of them, but leading them with precision and accuracy and love.  Yet the second the class is over and I have shared my gratitude, at least in my case, I step back into my own mind. The mind of an aging female yoga teacher who has serious insecurities.  I'm not skinny or tall or ethereal.  I'm also not really that old (unless you are under 30) but I am self-conscious about my age and what is happening to my body.  But even more than that, and this one is especially hard to admit, I want to be liked by everyone, especially yoga students.  Ughhhhh, I hate it but its true. I'm also fully aware that I don't come off this way, as someone who would give a shit.  Its probably part of why some people don't like me. There are students who won't come to the classes I teach or who come and then leave way before the end of class. Others take a class with me and never return, while some won't even acknowledge me or even worse, they take the time to discuss how badly I suck or what a bitch I am. I have been in a dressing room at the studio and heard discussions of those who are not so fond.  I've sat at a restaurant and listened to the table of non-yoga people talk about some yoga teachers and "me", while all the time holding my breath waiting for it to end.
I think for the first 6 months that I taught yoga, I came home at least 3 days a week only to crawl into bed and sob. I would call my family and friends for reassurance, they would remind me that I was strong and doing what I loved and that people would eventually "come around".  In the worst of times, I was sure I needed to quit teaching yoga and become less visible, less vulnerable to the judgement of others.  As time passed and I became a more experienced teacher, I was able to focus on the love and recognize that maybe, just maybe, these people were my sacred teachers, not just thorns in my side.  They have kept me humble, encouraged me to work even harder, and helped me let go of any ego I may have been holding onto. But it still stings and I cannot resist taking it personally.  One of the 4 agreements is not to take things personal.  Yea, yea...obviously still working on that one.  The truth is that sometimes it is personal, some people just don't like me or like the way I teach yoga.   Even though yoga helps use quell our preferences and aversions, most of us know what we like or dislike.  I can accept that but I definitely don't enjoy having people not like me, it hurts my feelings.  I know its ridiculous, I know that nobody in the entire world is likable to everyone but can't I be the one exception? Puleeeeeez!  Universe if you hear me, can you help me?  I know!!! Its not gonna happen and that whole rah-rah "eventually they'll come around" bullshit, nope, that didn't happen either. 
I guess I understand a little better when I think of my own body, my wonderful, kind, strong body who just wants to be loved.  Thing is, I still can't stand my thighs, my swinging arm flab or the occasional adult acne breakout. These things just doesn't really jibe with me and I'm thinking they probably never will. 
So my sacred teachers, I think I get it, I'm not your cup of tea. However, I am grateful and I love you and you are beautiful but ya' know what? I really love the people who love me back a little more. 
Wow, I still have a long way to go on this yoga path and now I feel really uncomfortable...worried you might spend your next class observing my imperfect body or even worse, like me a little less because I have spoken my truth...but this is part of the process; to grow and take risks, to put myself out their just like I ask the students to do and hopefully give someone else permission to find, live, and speak their truth.
(Publish now before fear overcomes me!)  and please don't look at my sad, deflated boobies, may wear a push-up bra for the next few weeks. namaste!